Benor (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} benor) wrote,@ 2008-05-08 10:48:00 |
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A new American myth.
So, after the results of the primaries in NC and Indiania, here are my thoughts on what will happen to Hillary Clinton and her campaign.
May: She will continue to be deserted by friends and former supports, who bow to the inevitable and rally behind Obama. Despite losing in the primaries due to a popular perception that she cannot be the nominee, she will vow to fight on, despite all evidence that she should hang up her hat.
June: Her remaining supporters will take the loss in South Dakota as a sign to end the campaign, but Hillary will not. She will draw upon her own money again, as donations dwindle, to keep fighting, even though there are no primaries left to run in.
July: Clinton will try, unsuccessfully, to engage Obama in a series of bizarre publicity stunts, to prove who is the best nominee in various aspects. These will include proposals like best Rock Star vocalist, best double dutch jumper, and proving who's the bravest by seeing which candidate runs out of the haunted house first.
August: The Democratic party will formally nominate Barack Obama for president. Overtures to Hillary for the VP slot will be rebuffed by Clinton, who will claim that the whole convention was rigged by Louis Farrakhan and the Chinese Communist Party, and that she must continue for the good of the American people and cheese. A wild glint in Clinton's eye will now become more pronounced and troubling.
September: Clinton will sporadically crash rallies for both John McCain and Barack Obama, wearing boxing gloves and challenging them to a "slug fest." She will be forcibly escorted from the national debates, while screaming "I'm a contender! I'm a Democratic contender!"
October: Now deserted by the rest of her staff, Clinton will continue to campaign alone, arriving unannounced in small towns across America to deliver rambling speeches about being the best candidate ever, and how Obama chained her to a rock so vultures could eat her liver each day, even though it grew back each night. Bill Clinton will send bounty hunters after his wife to take her to a mental hospital, but she will elude them by virtue of her erratic scheduling, known only to her.
November: Drunken binge through Las Vegas.
December: On her way to her next "campaign stop," Hillary Clinton will disappear, without a trace. Investigators will suspect several local residents, and dredge a nearby lake, but no evidence will be found of her. Bill Clinton will become a public widower, while privately pursuing any woman he wants. No one will ever find Hillary, but a legend will grow over the years, as solitary drivers on federal interstates occasionally report hearing a quavering cry of "Vote Clinton in 08!" Hitchhikers will say they were addressed by a woman in a pantsuit, who shook their hand while wearing a hideous grin, before walking past them and shaking imaginary hands in a line. Hillary will eventually become the "Lost Politician" of American folklore, seen as a benign but terribly befuddled spirit, seeking every scrap of approval she can get for her "victory."
So, after the results of the primaries in NC and Indiania, here are my thoughts on what will happen to Hillary Clinton and her campaign.
May: She will continue to be deserted by friends and former supports, who bow to the inevitable and rally behind Obama. Despite losing in the primaries due to a popular perception that she cannot be the nominee, she will vow to fight on, despite all evidence that she should hang up her hat.
June: Her remaining supporters will take the loss in South Dakota as a sign to end the campaign, but Hillary will not. She will draw upon her own money again, as donations dwindle, to keep fighting, even though there are no primaries left to run in.
July: Clinton will try, unsuccessfully, to engage Obama in a series of bizarre publicity stunts, to prove who is the best nominee in various aspects. These will include proposals like best Rock Star vocalist, best double dutch jumper, and proving who's the bravest by seeing which candidate runs out of the haunted house first.
August: The Democratic party will formally nominate Barack Obama for president. Overtures to Hillary for the VP slot will be rebuffed by Clinton, who will claim that the whole convention was rigged by Louis Farrakhan and the Chinese Communist Party, and that she must continue for the good of the American people and cheese. A wild glint in Clinton's eye will now become more pronounced and troubling.
September: Clinton will sporadically crash rallies for both John McCain and Barack Obama, wearing boxing gloves and challenging them to a "slug fest." She will be forcibly escorted from the national debates, while screaming "I'm a contender! I'm a Democratic contender!"
October: Now deserted by the rest of her staff, Clinton will continue to campaign alone, arriving unannounced in small towns across America to deliver rambling speeches about being the best candidate ever, and how Obama chained her to a rock so vultures could eat her liver each day, even though it grew back each night. Bill Clinton will send bounty hunters after his wife to take her to a mental hospital, but she will elude them by virtue of her erratic scheduling, known only to her.
November: Drunken binge through Las Vegas.
December: On her way to her next "campaign stop," Hillary Clinton will disappear, without a trace. Investigators will suspect several local residents, and dredge a nearby lake, but no evidence will be found of her. Bill Clinton will become a public widower, while privately pursuing any woman he wants. No one will ever find Hillary, but a legend will grow over the years, as solitary drivers on federal interstates occasionally report hearing a quavering cry of "Vote Clinton in 08!" Hitchhikers will say they were addressed by a woman in a pantsuit, who shook their hand while wearing a hideous grin, before walking past them and shaking imaginary hands in a line. Hillary will eventually become the "Lost Politician" of American folklore, seen as a benign but terribly befuddled spirit, seeking every scrap of approval she can get for her "victory."
